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5 Beauty Secrets St Francis Women Don’t Want You To Know

There’s something about St Francis…

I have never been particularly lady-like. My father always wanted a son. He got three daughters. Needless to say, he was all too happy to teach me “boy things” when I showed an interest. I’m proud to say that I can operate power tools with the best of them, refurbish and tighten a car’s handbrake and throw a punch that would give Rocky a run for his money.

Until I arrived in St Francis Bay, I owned one or two dresses that I pulled out for Instagram photo ops and special occasions. My hair would be lucky to see a brush two or three times a week and someone would have to bribe me with a small fortune to see me in a pair of heels. The last point is still very much a reality.

Arriving in St Francis was a little like stepping into a Woman and Home magazine. Women in their 40s and 50s looked tanned, polished and untouched by the stress that seems to wrinkle everyone else outside the confines of St Francis. Here I was, thinking that it was the fresh sea air keeping everyone looking so youthful. I know the secrets now…


Beautiful nails make you smarter

Well, definitely more in-the-loop (unfortunately there is still no cure for stupidity).
I have yet to find a woman in St Francis with terrible nails. I found myself with ridiculous nail envy, while shooting a promotional video for a local beauty bar. My nails were bitten and chipped down to my finger tips, after many months of mountain climbing and years of guitar playing. It was almost religious, the way the ladies at Pop In Beauty Bar managed to bring them back to life.

Besides the stunning new nails, sitting in that chair was the best networking and information collection ever! You want to find someone? Something? Advertise your business? Crush your enemies? A manicure or pedicure is how you do it. That’s why all of the most successful women in St Francis have such nice nails.


Fake it ’til you make it

For a beach town, spray tanning here is just as popular as it is in Joburg. If you’re not a surfer (which 80% of the population is), then the Caribbean Tan is how you fit in with the sun-kissed glow of the rest of the town. The salons here have even perfected the art of spray tanning to the point where there is no tell-tale orange tint.

I considered myself quite tanned, in Joburg. Here, I haven’t quite built up the will power to have my entire body painted for an olive glow. I give it a month of trying it the old school way before I crack. You know, if you can’t beat ’em…


Surgery is so 2012

There is no hospital or plastic surgeon here, but there is Bard’au & Co.
This is pretty much the go-to place to keep your skin looking like a 20 year old. After just one treatment here, I am already singing their praises.

If you’re looking for an “Ooooh… Aaaah” facial and you’re happy with your crypt-keeper wrinkles and saggy eye bags, go somewhere else. What this place does is more of a serious education before they peel the top three (useless) layers of skin from your face, stab you repeatedly with a fancy face needle and tell you you can’t see the sun for four days. Totally worth it though. Your face will feel like a new born’s butt cheek and you can counter the lack of sun with one of those kickass spray tans we were talking about.

For the serious St Francis beauty queens, there is a doctor that comes in once a month that works all sorts of voodoo magic on the women in town. R80k for a facelift? Nope… I personally witnessed a woman walk in for a threading session (only R15k) and walk out, ready for the red carpet. No recovery time needed! I don’t know about you, but it sounds like sorcery to me?


Botox is like crack here!

If botox were a drug, 90% of the women in town would be needing rehab.
I met a stunning woman last month, who I assumed was in her late 30s… Fifty three. FIFTY. FLIPPING. THREE!?!
Her secret? Multiple shots of this muscle-paralyzing agent to her forehead, eyes and mouth. Oh, and fillers. Lots of fillers. And it looked so natural, you couldn’t even tell!

Even I am contemplating jumping on the band wagon to get that beautiful St Francis glow that shines through all the ladies in this town.


Humidity means nothing to St Francis Hair

When I first found myself in St Francis Bay, I felt like a little bit of a creep. Never before had I wanted to run my fingers through other women’s hair so much. I was fascinated. Mostly because, when I visit a beach town, the humidity and sea air has my hair looking more like the bride of Chucky than a silky-haired beach babe. But St Francis women have such smooth hair?

Busted! It’s all a lie. They just have good hair dressers. In fact, there is not one bad review coming out of any of the local hair spots. Only silky, smoothing-treatment and perfect colour hair. Lying to outsiders and making them think that there must be something in the St Francis Bay water.


All in all, I admit I have dipped my toe in the cosmetic sorcery of St Francis Bay… and I regret nothing! The beauty bars here have kept me looking and feeling more fabulous than I have felt in a long time. I have even added a few new dresses to my wardrobe and friends have been commenting about my appearance in Facebook posts. Nails, hair, dresses… St Francis may just be turning me into a real lady?

Storm Steen
Storm Steen
Tattooed, smartass digital nomad. Founder of LIVE Local Group. Interweb gangster